When I was a kid my best friend Mike Hudson and I created an unspoken bond of observing how obvious guys were. Guys on TV or guys from the mall. Later that “philosophy” grew to both men and women (girls and boys)  and we ended up reducing the essence of that which was obvious female and male to something unpronounceable as words but recognizable upon witnessing. To that end, anyone within the DC area who knows me is free to ask and I will both perform and explain their individual meanings.
Oddly though as we both grew older and geographically apart we seemed to stay a little too close to the “me vs. them” attitude we developed regarding how we saw ourselves in regards to women as well as the guys I was supposedly competing with.
At this point I stop talking as if I know how Mike feels so the rest is me.
I think it’s just amazing that it took me this long to realize the false set of standards I helped to set and what they meant to me. Not false in a bad way, more like realizing that the line I drew wasn’t that far off the line most everyone else walked but because of my choice I seemed to miss out on some things that I find myself envious of in the immediate and others that open wider thoughts that glide towards the temptations of memory.
I also understand the true and unmeasurable benefits that have always come my way because I am the man I am, even up to the present. Dunno, maybe it’s like something I wrote in a diary twenty years ago (so be kind), “Everyone thinks the grass is always greener …. (you know) and I all I want to be the grass under the fence.”
Seems sometimes in order to realize you’re the grass under the fence you have to peer over the side yourself from time to time, just to be reminded.